The Saving Grace
by NikkaHi
Summary: Oneshot series. She had always thought of the crew as family, and the ship as home, and it had taken so little for them to forget her. 'It's because you're not needed anymore.' She had never felt so alone among the huge crew that made up the Whitebeard Pirates.
1. Carving Feelings

She was using a knife to carve at a piece of wood a bit away from the campfire, her hands going at a slow but steady pace, never breaking the beat. Her back was to the rest of the crew as if shutting them out, protecting herself from the curious stares they were giving her. She was not new to them, she had been with the crew since before Ace was even heard of, but not participating in the festivities was something odd. At the arrival of the first and the, new, second commander the people turned away from her hunched form to indulge in their still half full mugs.

Her hands stilled for only a moment before they continued as her ears picked up on the newly arrived people, the other commanders not far behind the first two. She focused on the wood in her hand, trying to place the knife where it should go to form the next hole, but it proved difficult when her body shook with her suppressed sob.

A tear fell from her eyes and she abandoned her task for a moment to brush it away.

She had always thought of the crew as family, and the ship as home, and it had taken so little for them to forget her. She did not hate Ace for becoming a part of the crew, she had found him quite charming from the beginning, nor did she hate the crew for wanting to befriend him, because he did have a special charm that pulled people in. She did not hate anyone, there was no reason to, but somewhere in her heart she knew she felt _something_ she had not felt before.

She had consulted books by the dozen, even spoken with questionable people charging way too much for a simple talk, about it and they all came up with the same result: anger, hate, disappointment, resentment. She knew those feelings and this was not it.

It had been just a few months since Ace joined the crew and ever since then she had been slowly more and more shut out, secluded from the very people she used to spend her days on end with. It had started with small things: Ace sitting where she used to sit, people asking him to train with them instead of her like usual, or even simply forgetting to tell her when there was about to be a party on the ship. Small things she could live with since they were just trying to make him feel comfortable and part of the family. It was all right, she did not mind.

Then came the moment when Haruta, who had been her best friend since she joined the crew, stopped talking to her. The commander probably did not notice it and that made it all so much worse. Haruta had treated her like any other crewmember, a simple nod in her general direction when she passed, and their time together, already small, shrank by each passing week until they had not spoken to each other for the past few weeks.

She refused to go to Whitebeard about it, he was a fearsome captain to others but to her he was an old man who cared too much about his children and too little about his own health. She was adamant about not putting more stress on him by talking to him about her childish issues, and the nurses reported everything to him even if they had confidentiality. She had never felt so alone among the huge crew that made up the Whitebeard Pirates.

She tried to get back into the group, going along with the different treatment and trying to enjoy herself with them. Her laugh sounded hollow and fake even to her own ears and her eyes prickled every time she managed to slip away unnoticed by anyone, which she had never been able to do before. There had always been someone to catch her and bring her back even if she just wanted to go to bed, but now they did not even notice if she did not show up from the beginning.

They had docked at a small island in the midst of things so she decided to walk off her negativity. The calmness of the forest had never failed to bring her peace. Except for now. It did not matter how far she walked or for how long, the thoughts just kept swarming her head until the point where she did not remember which way she had come.

She ended up sitting on a rock by a small pond somewhere in the middle of the forest, her feet making rings in the otherwise calm water as she started at nothing.

_Would they notice if they left without you?_

She was beginning to doubt they would. With a hard shake of her head she pushed the thought from her head, they would not do something like that. The commanders might forget but Whitebeard would remember her, he always care a little more for his daughters than he did for his sons. If it had to do with the fact that he thought them needed to be looked after more or something else she did not know, but he always made sure everyone was accounted for before leaving an island.

_But aren't they busy with the new one?_

They were busy with Ace, that was for sure, but they would not neglect their duties for anything in the world. They had too much respect for Whitebeard, not to mention their pride in being part of the crew, to do such a thing.

_Why did they push you aside for him then?_

Her breath hitched. It was the one question she had continuously pushed away at the slightest of sight of it, because it was bad to think such things and it would do her no good. But, really, it was because it was the only question she did not know how to answer.

_It's because you're not needed anymore._

The sound of water turning into steam catches her attention and she raise her head to see the last of the water nymph fall back into the pond. Looking to her right she saw a frowning Ace.

'You shouldn't listen to water nymphs, they're known to corrupt people,' he said. 'The ship is leaving soon.'

She had simply nodded and followed him.

The sting of her knife cutting her flesh brought her back to her carving and she watched as the blood dripped onto the wood, staining it. She used her sleeve to wipe it away before she continued. The laughter behind her had begun to grow lower, more and more crewmembers falling to the power of the liquor the longer the night wore on. Just a little more and she would be done with the carving and she would be able to go on with her task.

The first commander had announced a mission that needed to be done quite a bit away from the ship and it was unknown how long it would take. No one had wanted to take it and he left it at that, saying there were a few days before someone had to be chosen. Like a sign had been given she knew what she was meant to do.

She had knocked on the commander's door late the same evening, knowing fully well that he was up doing paperwork. 'I'll take the mission.'

He looked at her oddly, as if analysing her from top to bottom. 'Why?'

She gave a shrug and hoped it kept its carelessness despite the tension building up inside of her. 'Someone has to.'

She did not want to go, she knew she was nowhere near strong enough and she knew he knew she knew that too. The only thing that allowed her to go was her imagination, she did not need to be strong to succeed; she just needed to use her head to work around it. So he let her go.

The carving was done. She blew at it once before she held it up for a final observation, taking in the soft curve of the raised wings and firmness of the beak. It was her best creation so far. She gently placed it by the sleeping commander before she took her bag and headed to the shore.

Hopefully some time away would heal her broken thoughts, get rid of the negativity and make her stronger. Hopefully she would be able to face everyone when she got back and tell them just what drove her to leave. Hopefully they would still remember her, even if she did not come back.

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Been a while since I wrote something so... well, this. This is going to be the first in a series of oneshots revolving about this person, Ace and the rest of the Whitebeard Pirates.

Reviews makes the world go 'round!


	2. Accidental Revelation

Marco knew something was up with Jean even before she began to seclude herself from everyone, but he, quite honestly, did not know how to deal with it. She was younger than more than half his age, and a female on top of that, so he just did not know how to approach it. He wanted to, but he was uncertain with how, so in the end he let it go.

She was a strong girl that way; she would not let it get to her for too long… right?

He was busy with making sure that Ace got settled in and she still had Haruta to talk to, the two of them had been close from the beginning after all. He did know that most of the other commanders also felt it their responsibility to make the new addition to their family feel comfortable and that it was making her feel left out. She would understand their way of thinking; she was part of the group that had advocated for making Ace feel more at home, so he thought little of it.

She stopped sitting with them in the mornings, instead taking a seat among some other members of the sixteenth division, and towards the end she stopped coming altogether. Similar things happened during the other meals and on more than one occasion he found her having a late meal after almost everyone had gone to bed. He had confronted her about it but her excuses were all fairly logical so he could not approach her from that angle either.

He knew he had to do something but once again he simply did not know what. In the beginning she had occasionally spent time with them like everything was back to normal but she was distant, as if thinking about something all the time. She drew back from anyone who tried to approach her about the change in her, saying she just had a lot on her mind.

She went off on her own when they docked at islands and did not get back to the ship until late at night, only to leave early the next day once again. The places she used to go with them to, the pubs, the restaurants, the shops, she went to alone or with other crewmates. Haruta voiced her irritation when she found out that Jean had gone to the hot spring on her own the day before they all went and something sparked in the back of Marco's mind.

He paid more attention to her actions, where she went and what she did, but found nothing suspicious about it, it was by accident that he stumbled over what her change was all about.

He had been held back by some paperwork and when he finally made his way onto deck he spotted Haruta walking towards where Ace sat waiting for Marco, effectively leaving Jean alone by the opposite railing. He almost had the grace to wince at the look in the younger girl's eyes as she looked towards the commanders before she quietly left, not making eye contact with anyone.

Thinking about it he realised that Ace had, slowly but surely, taken over the youngest seat in their little core group. She had been pushed away when everyone was busy making sure the new commander settled in nicely and no one had given it a second thought. Not even when they thought about her odd behaviour did they actually react.

He tried to involve her but she seemed to be past the point of returning and he spoke with Whitebeard about it, sighing as the old man nodded in agreement. If even the captain had noticed the change from where he sat then there was no denying it.

So when she came to his room late one evening he was both surprised and not at all.

'I'll take the mission,' she said, fidgeting with her hands behind her back as she remained close to the door and avoiding his eyes.

She had gotten thinner and had dark circles under her eyes, he noticed. 'Why?' he asked as he really looked at the sad excuse for the once happy girl they had found years ago.

Her shoulders were stiff and every muscle in her body clutched with tension, her eyes glued to the floor and her breathing shallow as she contemplated on what to answer. In the end she gave a jerky shrug and said with an uneven voice: 'someone has to.'

Indeed, someone had to, but had he not seen what was going on with her he would have not taken a second to refuse. She was no fighter, she was not bad but she did not stand a chance alone, and the mission would require the person to work alone. But this was not the same girl, she was different and she needed out. She needed space and time and she did have the brains for the task.

In the end he agreed, thinking about what Whitebeard had said to him earlier. _Bringing back the old Jean is impossible, but letting her go to grow into what she can become is another thing entirely._ How he knew these things never ceased to amaze Marco but the commander had also given up on trying to understand years ago.

He did not tell anyone about her taking the job, not even as they held a party on an island they anchored close by at. The crew was all too willing to participate even without really knowing why, simply happy to have a reason to relax and drink.

He arrived at the big bonfire together with Ace a while after the party had started and sighed he spotted Jean sitting not only a ways off but also her back facing them. He was about to go over to her when the other commanders arrived and caused the crew to liven up even more. He looked at her sadly when he spotted the shaking of her shoulders and the movement of her arm across her face.

'Is she alright?' Ace asked from where he sat beside Marco, startling the older as he did.

The first commander looked to the side to see Ace looking carefully at the same shaking back he had been watching and took a deep swing from his mug. 'She will be,' he replied and left it at that.

The next morning he found her carving lying beside him and he carefully studied the craftsmanship. It was very skilled, he noticed, to be able to make such a fine phoenix out of an old piece of wood. It would have looked lifelike had it been in colour and it soon found its place on one of his shelves, where it remained as a constant reminder of her presence.

It took the other commanders almost a week to realise that she no longer was on the ship and Haruta was absolutely horrified at the discovery. Not only had Marco sent Jean, little helpless Jean, on a high-ranking mission but it had also taken Haruta, who had always seen the two of them as best friends, so long to notice her gone. Whitebeard had been forced to step in and talk to Haruta before she went for Marco's head for sending her away and by the end of the talk the commander had been pale as a sheet.

She never said what Whitebeard told her but Marco could imagine what it was. So he could understand why Haruta remained in her quarters for some days, not a single word coming from her.

Marco just hoped that Jean would return alive and well to a crew that could once again accept her for who she had become, because he knew that the old Jean would be long gone by then.

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**XxX **Some things I would like you to know **XxX**

I'm both thrilled and horrified at the good attention I got from the previous oneshot, really I am. Because 1, I love you guys and thank you very much for your wonderful reviews, but 2, I'm scared that I'm letting you guys down with this and the following chapters...

The dark-ish thoughts and feelings was just for the beginning and since you seemed to like it I got very insecure about it, but I'm going to continue with my original plan because... well, it's my story ^^'' and it would be weird if everyone else also got really dark and moody (the situation doesn't really affect them).

But do **TELL ME**: Even though I've already told you that I'm continuing with my original plan I would really like to know what you prefer; everyone being dark and moody or a realistic(-ish) development of the character?

Thank you for your continued support!


	3. Return

Two years has passed since she left. Sacrifices had been made and victories gained, all leading up to that decisive moment when she completed her task.

A strange feeling washed over her then, standing there at the front of the ship that was to take her back to Whitebeard. Dread settling in the pit of her stomach, spreading a numbing cold through her limbs. How would they react when they met this new her? Would they recognise her?

Did it even matter?

She was different now, stronger and more independent. There had been a time when she barely held her own on the battlefield but that time was long gone, and the little girl with it. She was a woman now, a woman with a mind and body to support her every decision, and she had gained that at the loss of her own pride.

She had thrown away everything she knew, everything she _thought_ she knew, in favour of becoming a stronger person. All she was now she had created from scratch under the careful supervision of an old knowledgeable pirate she met during her mission. He broke her down until she was nothing and then left her to care for herself, nurture her need to change and grow into what she was today.

She owed him everything for showing her the path she had so desperately searched for, even without knowing it. So she bore a purple umbrella, his old sign, on her skin, hidden under her clothes to show her respect even if it was but a small token of gratitude. She knew Whitebeard would not mind: he knew her loyalty lied with him, but she had still chosen to place it where she could hide it if she wished. It was less complicated that way.

She travelled with the first ship for several weeks until they came upon land she knew, an island she had stopped at two years previously. She made arrangements for when to leave again before she stepped into town.

She found the shop she had been looking for quite easily and pushed through the dirty curtains. They knew her face from before and it did not take long before she was seated on the cushioned bench, the tattoo artist holding the bamboo stick at the ready.

It was a painful process but the result was worth it and she studied the Jolly Roger carefully that night. She finally wore Whitebeard's sign. Having been unable to get it during her mission due to its nature she had made up her mind to get it done the first thing she did. And she had.

A storm hit the island, making it impossible for anyone short of suicidal to leave. The first week left the land in chaos, structures that needed to be rebuilt and roads reinforced. The second week the storm stayed offshore, leaving the island alone but still the waters were too harsh to sail.

She took to the forest then, seeking out the pond she had meant to visit prior to the storm. It took her some time to find it, seeing as she had been lost when she visited the first time, but late afternoon she found herself sitting on the same rock she had previous.

'I know you're there, Nymph,' she called, touching the water with her toe. 'I'm no man out to capture you.'

_I know, child, you are no difficult task to read,_ the nymph replied as she rose from the water.

'I know.'

_Why do you still seek the company of those who deem you unneeded?_

'Because I am no longer weak, I must know if they still find me such.'

_Your way of thinking is illogical. Once unneeded, always unneeded._

'Perhaps, but no matter they still belong to the same family as I. Whether or not they deem me necessary is not important, if Whitebeard will still have me I will remain.'

_And why would he need you?_

She smiled. 'He doesn't.'

She left then, having said what she wished to, and the next day the storm had passed. The ship sailed with the early tide and she watched as the island disappeared from the horizon.

The closer she got to the time when she was meant to meet up with the crew the more frizzled her nerves became. She might tell herself that she did not care, or that their opinions did not matte, but her unconscious betrayed her: leaving her nauseous and in cold sweat.

She left the ship after another week, now just a few days until the destined time, and found herself at a rundown inn. She had planned to have more time to think things over, but the storm had reduced that time greatly. So she spent most of her time at the inn, sharpening and cleaning the weapons her old master had given her, and trying to keep her mind off her chaotic feelings. It did little to help seeing as the more she tried to ignore it the more did it want to make itself known.

The day came when she saw the Moby Dick appear on the horizon and she found her hands shaking. Then, with a deep breath and harsh mental scolding, she suppressed everything that she no longer counted as herself, raised her head and went to meet with Whitebeard.

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**XxX  
**

Hello, everyone! I hope that you liked this one as well. This is, as you probably have noticed, the first part of a two-shot that will be about her returning to the ship.

I would like to take this time to say thank you for your support, the reviews, favs and follows: I appreciate them all, so thank you very much.

And my final message (probably the most important): I've decided to join in on this year's National Novel Writing Month and I need to focus on that during November, therefore I will warn you that there most likely won't be an update for about a month. I hope you can bear with me until then, and wish me luck with the writing! :) (if you're interested you can find me under the name Nikkahi, and I'll update my progress on my blog as well if you want to keep up: smileoholic . wordpress . com (without spaces))


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